Ok it might have been the amazing Cold Brew coffee I had yesterday afternoon which left me pretty much awake deeeeeep into the night, and I was so so so glad that I’m working part-time, which means I am off work at 1pm. Happily packed my bags and stuff and thought about what I wanted to do today. And although I was pretty sleepy and tired, I told my partner I would go to the library to pick out some books for his research, and actually i was pretty happy with my decision! To my dismay, I got a response I was totally not expecting – he told me “wait.. the books was something i needed to do, it’s my job, not yours. Aren’t you going to spend time on the business you’re trying to start?” I stopped short in my footsteps and thought.. wait a min.. why am i not thanked for my choice to help him and yet i got treated with harsh words?
Then minutes later, i managed to hold myself back from what might have become a ball of fury which inevitably might lead to angry, mindless lashings, and told myself that he wasn’t being harsh and that he meant well. Indeed, it was a simple choice of which part of the sentence to focus on, and think what could this person trying to be telling you when he said something like that? Perhaps it was out of self-consolation, but i kinda figured that he was trying to remind me that i was losing focus on myself again. slowly and little by little, i seemed to have swung myself over the fence again and tried too hard to do things FOR others at a compromise of ME. It was true that I had given logical reasons behind the delay of my plans, too logical that they became just well-thought excuses – a perfect entrance for my old friend named procrastination.
With that, i thank my wonderful partner for the hint and reminder. All the same even if he actually didn’t mean it that way and was in fact telling me to mind my own business, it’s after all a choice… right? 😉 So I took his advice, and gave myself some me-time by having lunch at a nice quiet restaurant all by myself, watching korean drama on my ipad, while knowing as I eat, that I am going to be writing this blog after i finish, and after blogging, …. i’m heading out to the library.